Eggs Benedict

1641453893

skipper...that hurt my feelings.

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1641453851

sure you're not skipper, keep telling yourself that!

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1641453821

skipper, i'd say thats homophobic bit you're bisexual yourself so i guess its fine!
and...i dont know how to respond to that last bit skipper...

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1641453780

...Uhhh 1 im not your dad skipper, sorry.
2 no i am NOT responsible for that cursed, disgusting thing at all! my account was HACKED! i would never say such stuff as "UwU" or "x3"! and i never took pictures of him! all the pictures of him that i have are actually just furbys that i get mixed up for him! you know your dad really does look like a dehydrated furby, you know that? and your old man cant even tell the difference between a photoshopped image of a body pillow, and a real image of one! honestly skipper you should put him into a retirement home.
and he shouldn't say anything when his profile looked like THIS at one point!
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/735315777510703155/928546452387528744/MYSPACE_and_7_more_pages_-_Personal_-_Microsoft_Edge_4_14_2021_1_41_27_PM_2.png
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/735315777510703155/928546523095105536/MYSPACE_and_7_more_pages_-_Personal_-_Microsoft_Edge_4_14_2021_1_41_34_PM.png
and he never claimed to be hacked at all....

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1641427936

It IS what you think it is - Zipper not only daily begs me to fuck him, but also:
- he started stalking me and taking pictures of me IMMEDIATELY after we started speaking
- he broke into my house and watched me sleep like a maniac on multiple occasions
- he quite literally changed the entire theme of his page to a "Zippertrap theme" so everything was purple and yellow, and there was shit like "I love William!" "Let's talk about Zippertrap x3", shitty art of us kissing and he even had a fucking video of him dancing with a body pillow of ME!
After this happened, two people even made some fucking Zippertrap fan accounts and wrote fanfictions of us! Can you fucking believe this?!

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1641427706

I suddenly know how to do mathematics if it involves money. You'd do anything? Sure, then I want a 20-page apology for making everyone's around you - especially mine - existence a shit place for as long as you were around, signed by you as well as a fucking oath to never, ever, speak, search, or try to interfere with me again. Oh and also if you go to Henry and tell him that I miss him or something cheesy like that. Maybe he'd forgive me! Like sure, he literally sent me to hell but he still adores me, right?

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1641427470

Michael... your hair literally looks as if someone gave themselves a mullet with a lawnmower.
"Take a chill pill"...? Seriously, where have you been in the last forty years?!
Your transformation, Mike... it has started... the bri'ish is overpowering you... let it in... start smoking... drink tea religiously... go around with a knife... your roadman-ification has almost been completed... Hurricane, Utah will soon be like Northampton to you...
A) You ARE as annoying as a child
B) Zipper is incapable of any kind of love/affection.
I have been canceling ankle-biters professionally for over thirty years, yet you're always complaining about it!
I cannot understand if you're stuck in the mid-80s or in the mid-2010s. I'd say it's an absolutely horrifying, gut-wrenching mix of both... *Mikey*.
Oh, look at you, you're trying to fix it! Well, news flash, Michael dear, you fucking can't! It's too late! Nothing will bring my son back - and no, I don't think I'll die anytime soon: it's much too fun seeing you desperately try to interfere without actually being able to do anything to stop me except run around and whine like the absolute child you are!
No. No, it doesn't, you fucking idiot. I'm not embarrassing, nor weird - and Zipper does not want you; how many times are we going to have to go over this, Mike? Nobody does. Also, yes, they would. I have been mentally scarred from the comments under an edit of me, everyone is simping for me! See? Everyone either wants me or wants to be me.
Geezer?! That's it. You're cleaning not only your room, but also the living room.
You literally look like me - you're my firstborn child. We have the same hair colour, hair texture, slightly different eye colour, same complexion, and same accent. Get over it.
I think you've just demonstrated to us all that no, you are, in fact, not capable of insulting anyone.
Yeah - there isn't a closet because at this point it isn't even necessary to come out. Everybody knows anyway.
Yes, robots are cool - and do you know who made those cool robots? That's right: me.

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1641255862

Don't you dare take 85% of the profit! I and Henry are getting 45% each, and you're getting 10% at max! We are the co-owners. You can do nothing against our dictatorial power over the pizzeria.

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1641255619

Michael, it's not a metaphor. You're simply the most stereotypical, pea-brained, stuck-in-his-teenage-past 30 year old.
THAT. IS. NOT. PEDO. BEHAVIOUR. STOP. SAYING. THAT. I WILL LITERALLY ACCEPT BEING CALLED EVERY NAME IN THE BOOK BUT NOT A FUCKING PREDATOR! I'M A KIDDIE STRANGLER, NOT A KIDDIE DIDDLER!
There. You cannot escape it anymore... the bri'ish is slowly consuming you... let it take over... it is too late. Your fate was written. You were doomed to be bri'ish since the start, Mike. It is chewsday... it is always chewsday in England...
Zipper hates ankle-biters just as much - if not more - as me, and even though you're grown, that doesn't change the fact that you are just as annoying, irritating, and insufferable as a child. I don't think I will, Mikey.
Why would you even take that chance? Did you really hate your brother that much? He did nothing but show you love and admiration - and what did he get in return? Death, at your hands! Do you ever think that you may be the reason why *I* did all I did as well? Maybe EVERYTHING is your fault, Michael! Maybe that is why every single person is trying to murder you! Silence. Wow, you felt bad afterwards, that truly does redeem you. No.
I brought that up because you said that nobody wants me... I just disproved your entire point. There's people who would pay thousands to even just be in my vicinity.
They don't say "tubular" anymore, Mike. Get with the times, old man.
You really didn't take much after me if not for your appearance! Had you taken after me, you'd be able to insult someone properly, at least!
Michael, seriously, come out of the glass closet. Everybody can see that you aren't straight, I promise nobody gives a shit.
It does. You know robotics just like me. Nerd.

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1640895978

Happy New Year!

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1640892304

uhh yeah ok sure skipper...

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1640892215

um...i mean i guess, you seem like a fine son to have! minus all the chaos and havoc you cause..
also hey skipper whats that little thing in your blurbs section about me being your new dad?

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1640892018

uhh sure skipper, what is it?
also why do ya keep on callin' me "dad"?

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1640883144

Hmm... It's perfect. This is the only good thing you've ever done in your entire life. You truly poured your art into this beautiful musical piece. I'm crying tears of commotion. It is the most wonderful thing I have ever heard in my existence. Now go show it to Henry so we can profit off of it.

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1640883142

Hmm... It's perfect. This is the only good thing you've ever done in your entire life. You truly poured your art into this beautiful musical piece. I'm crying tears of commotion. It is the most wonderful thing I have ever heard in my existence. Now go show it to Henry so we can profit off of it.

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1640882953

Being over 18 doesn't mean I cannot tell you what to do. You are still my son. Go clean your room, bastard. PEDO BEHAVIOUR???? HUH????!?!?!! DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE CALL ME A CHILD PREDATOR! I AM THE FURTHEST THING AWAY FROM IT! I HATE ANKLE-BITERS!
Accept it already, Michael. You *are* British. That is a fact that can never change.
Nobody could ever want you, Mikey, you're lucky that even I, your own father, am talking to you - how could they love you after they know what you've done?
Oh, yes, such a funny prank, sticking my own brother's head into an animatronic bear he was scared shitless of! First of all - "most normal functioning robots" you do realize it was the 80s and the technology wasn't that advanced, eh? Although I and Henry were amazing at it, we had to work with the resources we were given, you stupid little shit! They weren't made to be dangerous, they were made normally but then SOMEBODY decided to violate every single rule in the entire building! Just because you didn't mean to, it doesn't mean that you didn't do it. People do want me around - you'd be surprised how many fanfics and art has been made of me!
No, Michael, nobody says "tubular" anymore. You sound like me trying to talk to children back in '87.
No, you are not. We can all see it, literally just once glance at you can let anyone know you are the furthest thing from heterosexual.
"Balls"? Seriously? How old are you?!
Nerd? You literally work in the same facilities I did. If I am a nerd, then you are one as well.
Idiot.

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1640819580

It doesn't work like that - and I do not think he'd adopt you, unironically: you're unloveable, Mike, nobody could EVER want you as their child - not after they know you kill your siblings for shits and giggles! Hey! Technically I've killed myself too!
"Tubular"? Really? And you're telling ME to get with the times?
You are as straight as a circle. It's okay, son, I accept you! If I ever were to violently murder you, it wouldn't be because of your sexuality! I may be a shit person but even I have standards!
Very, very mature, Michael. Haha. Oh-so-funny. How old are you, 12? Between you and sportsy I do not know who is more immature.
Yes? You know very well why I hate you, it is your own fault..
But that is the truth! I'm an engineer, and I am grand, thank you very much.

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1640818886

Michael... I am your real dad. Unfortunately, that cannot change. Also YES, I can tell you what to do - I am literally your father, you nonce!
You were literally born in a british household. You have a british accent because you ARE british. The sooner you accept it, the better it will be for you.

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1640816047

Shut the fuck up, tosser - You can't talk to your father like this!
Also, yes, it could be you:
you literally are an americanized british, Michael. Grow up.
I could never hate Henry... not after all that happened- anyhow, yes, your coat is ugly as fuck, good God!
Mike... it's literally obvious you're everything but straight (and that's the only thing you have in common with your dad, surprisingly). The closet is made of glass.
What's up with you calling everyone a "loser"? We're not in Mean Girls. You can stop acting like Regina George's stereotypical gay best friend.
Aw, Mikey, why would I ever want to hurt your feelings? When have I ever done anything in my life to hurt you? ... don't answer that.
Anyway - what the fuck do you have against a good suit and a tie? Jesus Christ, you still don't know how to dress and you're like, what, 20? 30?
Because I'm an engineer, perhaps?
Also, do not listen to Zipper. He does simp for me! I have pictures to prove it! He has a body pillow of me, and turned his page into "zippertrap" at some point! He also took pictures of me, stalked me, and watched me sleep! He's obsessed with me! He's lying - he's nothing but a daft coward.

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1640815176

...yeah sure skipper...

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