Spacecadetjames

About me:

I'm James. I am 34 years old and this is my story. I was abandoned by my entire family at only 14 years old. I grew up in an abusive home with a mother who struggled with drugs and alcoholism, and I never felt the love or care that a child should have from their own mother. My biological father i never met but he was in prison most of his life and over dosed on heroin. At 14, I finally ran away because staying was destroying me. I spent years surviving on the streets with nobody to turn to. No family. No safety net. No one waiting for me. I was completely alone, just trying to make it through each day. When I turned 18, I started living in hotels and working at a hotel simply to survive and keep a roof over my head. Then, at 28, I met a girl who lived all the way in New Mexico. I believed in her enough to leave everything in Oregon behind and move across the country to be with her. We spent seven years together. She became the person I trusted more than anyone and the person I believed would never abandon me. I built a life around us. I got an apartment. I found a good job. I tried to create the life I never had growing up. I thought I had finally found someone who wouldn't leave me. Then she cheated on me and left me for someone else. After everything I'd already survived, having the one person I trusted most break my heart brought me back to a place of complete loneliness. She was everything to me, and losing her made me question why I had even come to New Mexico and what I was supposed to do with my life. There were times when the pain became so overwhelming that I didn't want to be alive anymore. I've spent my life being forced to survive things I never should have had to experience. Maybe I don't have all the answers yet. Maybe I'm still trying to figure out where my life goes from here. But I'm still creating, still searching, and still trying to find something worth living for. I'm an emo/alternative soul and have been drawn to the lifestyle practically my entire life. I love tattooing and piercing myself and others, painting, drawing, making music, photography, and skateboarding. Art has always been one of the ways I've been able to express the things I can't put into words. I've been abandoned. I've been betrayed. I've been broken. I've given up multiple times in my life but I still have no idea why I am still even here.

Who I'd like to meet: