Aster

General

• Writing poems in the margins of math notes • Abandoned places • Polaroids • Dream sequences • Vintage headphones • The smell of old books

Music

Currently stuck on: • Pierce the veil - I’m low on gas and you need a jacket • Radiohead – Motion Picture Soundtrack • The Smashing Pumpkins – Luna • My chemical romance - the ghost of you • Sleeping with sirens - if I’m James dean then your Audrey Hepburn • Deftones – what happened to you? • Ethel Cain – American Teenager • Taking Back Sunday – Cute Without the ‘E’ • Pierce The Veil – Kissing In Cars • Bright Eyes – First Day of My Life • Brand New – Jesus Christ • Paramore – We Are Broken • The Used – I Caught Fire • Death Cab for Cutie – What Sarah Said “I don’t have a favorite song, just songs that make me feel less like I’m disappearing.”

Movies

movies that feel like crawling into a hoodie that still smells like someone you miss: • Donnie Darko – time isn’t real and neither am i • Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind – i’d let someone erase me too • The Virgin Suicides – i don’t even know what to say, just vibes • Scott Pilgrim vs. The World – i pretend i don’t relate but i do • Lost in Translation – i like the quiet parts • The Perks of Being a Wallflower – i cried but tried to look like i wasn’t • Coraline – for when i feel weird and small and too much • Kids – probably shouldn’t have watched it, but whatever • The Craft – i wanted to be them. still kinda do. • Requiem for a Dream – idk bro. it just messed me up “i watch the same sad movies over and over like i’m waiting for a different ending.”

Television

shows that raised me more than people did: • Skins (UK) – messy, sad, hot teens. felt too real sometimes. • My So-Called Life – jordan catalano ruined me and i let him • Daria – the blueprint for pretending not to care • Degrassi: The Next Generation – everyone was crying or in a coma. i related. • Buffy the Vampire Slayer – monsters, metaphors, eyeliner. peak. • Freaks and Geeks – i would’ve been the kid in the hallway with headphones on • Death Note – don’t talk to me unless you had a L phase • The O.C. – i hated it. i loved it. whatever. • Twin Peaks – don’t ask if i understood it. i didn’t. still loved it. • Cowboy Bebop – space, jazz, loneliness. hit too hard. “i don’t binge shows, i let them haunt me slowly.”

Books

• “The Picture of Dorian Gray” by Oscar Wilde – beautiful people falling apart = peak literature • “Wuthering Heights” by Emily Brontë – everyone is toxic and miserable. loved it. • “Crime and Punishment” by Dostoevsky – overthinking, guilt, and cold rooms. same. • “Jane Eyre” by Charlotte Brontë – gothic, stubborn, lonely. big comfort book. • “Frankenstein” by Mary Shelley – monsters and isolation and sadness?? yes pls • “A Season in Hell” by Arthur Rimbaud – read it once and felt haunted for a week • “Les Fleurs du Mal” by Charles Baudelaire – don’t ask me to explain it. i just felt it. • “The Sorrows of Young Werther” by Goethe – basically crying in cursive. • “Leaves of Grass” by Walt Whitman – wanted to hate it but ended up underlining everything • “The Metamorphosis” by Franz Kafka – yeah, turning into a bug made sense “i read old books like they’re mirrors from a different century.”

Heroes

“i’m not the main character. i’m the weird kid you only notice once in the background and wonder about later.” i’m not trying to save the world. i’m just trying to survive homeroom. i’ve got a backpack full of half-written poems and a head full of stuff i don’t say out loud. people think i’m quiet but my brain is just… too loud sometimes. i don’t have superpowers. unless feeling too much counts. i’m not a hero — but if someone needed me at 2am, i’d probably show up anyway. i just want to matter to someone without having to scream for it.