JASON
"♥♥♥"
RUS / ENG / PL
Last active:
Mood: I'm sad, I'm lonely
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SpaceHey URL:
https://spacehey.com/jasonroses
JASON's Interests
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i love to sleep and cry. |
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JASON's Links
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JASON's Blurbs
About me:
!!!HE/THEY!!! im a sad boy. i kinda love being sad. hot tea, crystals, sore feet n cracked lips. strawberries too.
u can invite me 2 drink tea n read books, i’d be happy w that.
im second-degree disabled. hate going outside.
stuck in the past, stuck in memories of domestic violence. somehow that’s where i feel ok.
disability is a quiet weight i carry every day. my body moves slow, my mind even slower. some days the world feels built for someone else, not me. i learn how 2 disappear softly.
i have bpd. everything feels too much or nothing at all. love hits like a storm, loss feels like the end of the universe. my emotions don’t walk — they run, they fall, they bleed into everything. im either attached or already gone.
I love sweets, i especially love cakes, they are very cute and smell delicious.
memories stick 2 me harder than people do. i romanticize the pain bc it’s the only thing that stayed consistent. chaos feels familiar, intensity feels like home. calm feels suspicious.
i’m fragile but dramatic abt it. sensitive in a world that calls it weakness. broken in a way that looks poetic from far away. surviving, but making it aesthetic.
I am quite stupid and naive, however, i like it, as if it should be so. This is actually my romanticization. A lot of things happen through the prism of romanticization; it’s hard for me to accept a lot of things in my life. Often it’s easier for me not to think that it’s bad. I have something like the main character syndrome, where my life is a fairy tale, and i am just a character who lives out a sad story in reality.
Dreams are an integral part of my life. It is important for me to spend some part of my time on fantasies. This is my tower of peace. ♥
im a christian but my faith feels ruinous, like love that hurts more than it heals, i pray with shaking hands, worship through pain, romanticize suffering as devotion, confuse holiness with intensity, bleed metaphorically for love, mistake destruction for closeness, and call it faith bc it’s the only way i know how 2 feel alive.
im a boy living w mental n sleep disorders — anorexia, hypersomnia, restless leg syndrome, sleepwalking — my body fights rest, my mind never shuts up, nights feel unsafe, sleep feels like losing control, so i stay awake longer than i should, romanticizing exhaustion bc fear curls up next 2 me every time i close my eyes.
i like making up stories n writing them down in my notebook, drawing little pictures in between. i don’t really believe bad things just happen — everything feels like a plot, a game, a dream i replay in my head again n again. i’ve lived through some really terrible things — sexual violence, bullying, betrayal, psychological abuse — but they became part of me, a thin veil of clarity over my own mind. talking abt myself is hard, im intrusive, impulsive, always leaking thoughts. so instead i build myself out of associations, fragments, aesthetics, hoping they explain me better than words ever could.
♥ Crystal. Blood. Bruises. Blue lips. Broken arms. Dressings. Loneliness. Daisies. Glitter. Pink castles. Unicorns. Sweet perfume. Honey. May. Cherry blossoms. Strawberry jam. Orange juice. House arrest. Hunger strike. Yesterday's porridge. Wooden floor. Carpet on the wall. Old computer. Cold tiles. Hot water in the shower. Church. Astigmatism. New Year's toys. ♥
♥ Cracking in the collarbone area. Lost keys. Broken glasses. Shaky knees. Scissors in the shape of a bird of paradise. Dusty mirror. Double in the doorway. Wheelchair. Moss. Touch. Cape of Hope. Porcelain cats. Swing in the ivy. Sea sand. Compote. Black bread. Salt. Plush owl. Screeching under the bed. ♥
sometimes i have manic outbursts, moments that feel like hypomania or psychosis, even tho i don’t have those diagnoses. i know im mentally ill anyway. obsessive thoughts blur everything, reality n delusion melt together, voices echo in the background of my head. it doesn’t always hurt — romanticizing it helps me survive. im a disabled boy who never leaves the house, all i really do is dream, turn life into a fairytale inside my mind. like a locked-away prince, always sick, always suffering, living more in imagination than in the world outside.
Who I'd like to meet:
im incredibly lonely, i don’t have anyone irl, no real acquaintances. i want friends, conversations, anything really — solitude makes me feel boring n insignificant. i’m always happy 2 get new letters, even if i don’t reply right away. i don’t always have the energy — depression makes my thoughts slow n heavy, sorry. but every message means a lot 2 me, truly. knowing someone reached out makes me feel less invisible.
JASON's Friend Space
[view all]JASON has 155 friends.
JASON's Friends Comments
Displaying 5 of 5 comments ( View all | Add Comment )
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porezzz 
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What a beautiful profile. I would have eaten it!!! :))))) |
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seddori (semi-active) 
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( ´ ▿ ` ) |
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q0xzy0 
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luv ur profile sm!!! you seem so cool!! ♡♡ |
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Somethingnothere? 
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Sorry for accepting your request a bit late but you seem like a cool person to talk to! |
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JASON
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Hello! Привет! |
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Thank you!!!
by JASON; ; Report