๐’๐ฉ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž๐ซ

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๐Ÿ‡ ๐†๐š๐ฒ ๐Ÿ‡ // ๐Ÿ’œ ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ— ๐Ÿ’œ // ๐Ÿ‘พ ๐–๐ซ๐ข๐ญ๐ž๐ซ ๐Ÿ‘พ // ใ€Ž๐”น๐•ƒ๐•„ใ€

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View my: Blog | Forum Topics

SpaceHey URL:

https://spacehey.com/htmlspencer

๐’๐ฉ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž๐ซ's Interests

General

TANNER MONTGOMERY
10/10/1998 - 07/23/2017
๐Ÿฅ€ RETURN IF POSSIBLE ๐Ÿฅ€



ash lynx

Music

Movies

"You look lonelyโ€ฆ"

"Gerry, I don't wanna go back to work."
โ€”ย ย "What should I do?"
โ€” "Quit."
"Stay here with me."


โ€I donโ€™t see how a world that makes such wonderful things could be bad.โ€

"With this hand I will lift your sorrows. Your cup will never empty, for I will be your wine. With this candle, I will light your way in darkness. With this ring, I ask you to be mine."

Television

โ€œDonโ€™t worry Mordecai and Rigby; I know youโ€™re sad but I promise this is a happy ending. Take care of each other. Goodbyeโ€ฆโ€
"Listen to me, Morty. I know that new situations can be intimidating. You're lookinโ€™ around and itโ€™s all scary and different, but yโ€™know, meeting them head-on, charging into โ€˜em like a bull โ€” thatโ€™s how we grow as people."
"Going ghost!"

Books

โ€œI love you," I whisper.
"And I love you." He smiles, his lips seeking mine. "Always have. Always will.โ€

Heroes

iHN0K iHN0K

๐’๐ฉ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž๐ซ's Links

๐’๐ฉ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž๐ซ's Latest Blog Entries [View Blog]

๐Ÿ’œ ๐„๐ฅ๐ž๐ฏ๐ž๐ง ๐๐ฅ๐จ๐œ๐ค๐ฌ (๐™‹๐™–๐™ง๐™ฉ ๐™Š๐™ฃ๐™š) (view more)

๐Ÿ‘พ TRIGGER WARNING (view more)

๐’๐ฉ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž๐ซ's Blurbs

About me:

Animated Purple Gitter Skull htmlspencer

Iโ€™m a young writer with the mindset of a mid twenty year old. I live and breathe for the existence of animals and Jacob Whitesides ๐Ÿคค
Iโ€™m the type of person who would give you the shirt off my back. I love any and all people. Keep in mind that this IS a safe zone for anyone who needs a shoulder to cry on, a person to talk to, etc. I don't judge people for the simple fact that I'm not perfect myself. Iโ€™ve made plenty of mistakes I'm not really proud of but who hasn't?
Another thing you should know about me is that I am gay. If that bothers you then please don't add me. I'm here for the chill vibes, trying to make some friends, and find new music to listen to. If there are any fellow writers out there, I would be more than happy to read anything you might have available cos duh, I love reading!
If you wanna know more about me just ask ๐Ÿ’œ




personal drugs

memories | 4:57 am
|โ You cut out a piece of me and now I bleed internallyย โ|
โ€”ย Something has changed in you towards me.
You're distant, cold.
I don't know what I've done,
but I'll leave you alone from now on if that's what you want.
Is that what you want?
You know why I'd leave you alone?
Because I care about your feelings more than mine.
I love you.
Thereย I said it, not just on some chalkboard.
I would never let anybody or anything hurt you.
I'veย never felt that way about anyone.

๐ŸŒ™


"I know I can't make you miss me, but I just wanted you to know that you're my everything. You're my morning when I don't want to get up and you're my late nights when I think about our "what if's" we talked about. You're the reason I hate false hope because someone gave you false hope and it tore you apart. You gave me false hope and it tore me the fuck apart. But, let me tell you something. It was the best false hope anyone could've given me and I'd choose to have your false hope over, and over, and over again instead of never ever meeting you."
โ€”๐“ข๐“น๐“ฎ๐“ท๐“ฌ๐“ฎ๐“ป



Who I'd like to meet:


๐Ÿ’œ
๐ŸŒธ
๐Ÿฆ„
๐Ÿ‘พ
๐Ÿ‡
๐Ÿฆ„
๐Ÿ’œ
๐ŸŒธ
๐Ÿ‘พ
๐Ÿ‡
๐Ÿ’–
๐Ÿ’•

LBTQIA+ members, writers, stoners, gamers, etc.

๐’๐ฉ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž๐ซ's Friend Space

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๐’๐ฉ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž๐ซ's Friends Comments

Displaying 20 of 231 comments ( View all | Add Comment )

Haylee Woitas

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Hay! thank you so much for the add! hope your week is going well

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Jani Noir

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Hey there! Thanks for adding me.
Have a nice day. xoxo

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Jaylissa Anne

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Hey, im really sorry i havent checked up on you in awhile. Ive been dealing with some shi. How are you doing tho? ๐Ÿ–ค

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sarah โ™ก

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hi angel!
โ™ก how are you doing!

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แด…แด€ษดษดสษขส€แด€สœแด€แด

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Lets be friends โ™ฅ

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queen cute bliss

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congrats on APPAREL GIVEAWAY . lol i saw it in the bulletin. that's cool.

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sarah โ™ก

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hey love โ™ก
just wanted to see how you've been & check in

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basil monroe

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thanks for accepting my add!! i love your aesthetic, and you seem like a super chill person.

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โ™กCOSMICNIGHTMARES™๏ธโ™ก

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Heey thanks for accepting

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โ˜ฃCluโ˜ฃ

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Hello, thanks for accepting my request
I really really like your custom layout, did you make it yourself? *_*

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I did all of the things you see on my page, yes! And you're welcome! If you ever need anything please don't hesitate to reach out. My IMs are always open to the public โ™ฅ

by ๐’๐ฉ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž๐ซ; ; Report

XxDahliaxX

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Hey there, thanx for the add!
I read your bio and one of the bulletins you posted. You sound like such a nice, caring, amazing person. It also sounds like you have been in pain.
It reminds me of something that I heard.
The loneliest people smile are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most hurt people are the wisest. And the people that don't expect from others are the happiest.
How are you, btw?

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I may sound like a caring and loving person but that's only because I am! I've also heard that saying somewhere, I just don't remember where or when exactly. But thank you for remind me that.

I'm managing but still alive. You? โ™ฅ

by ๐’๐ฉ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž๐ซ; ; Report

I hear that. Everyday is a battle on its own.
I'm doing alright, thank you for asking!

by XxDahliaxX; ; Report

Josefina

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Hey, thanks for the add.

I read your super powerful blog that you posted. Wow. As someone who has been there before, and also failed several attempts, I can say that I'm glad I'm still here. In turn, I'm glad you're still here and able to share your story the way that you did. I believe that truly helps others, who feel alone, or have no one to talk too. The internet has been a godsend in that way - helping those who are lonely. I've met some of my best friends through social media.

It's also given me a platform to write my own thoughts about trauma, depression and loss. I lost one of my best friends in January of 2019 (she had cancer) and things just haven't been the same. So I feel for you on the loss of one of yours. The pain is horrific sometimes. It really is.

Life isn't perfect. It won't be, for anyone. Anyone who claims they are happy 100% of the time, are absolutely bullshitting you. Everyone has bad days. Some people's bad days are more extreme than others, but it doesn't mean that we all aren't quietly suffering in some form. Especially with this global collective panic/worry/depression that has been caused in the past year. But there are people out there who will listen and will happily be a friend, if given the chance. So the next time you're in a really rough spot, try to remember, that those thoughts will die down again. They will come back, but you're right, it's part of an illness, but they're not permanent. They will go away and you will have moments of happiness/tranquility/peace. Embrace them.

If you ever need to chat, feel free to hit me up.

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First and foremost, thank you for sharing that with me. It means a lot to know that even though we may be strangers over the internet, you opened up like that so gracefully. Absolutely beautifully written.

Secondly, I am sincerely sorry from the bottom of my heart you had to endure such a loss such as a precious soul fleeting from this world, involuntary or not. You're definitely right about feeling being horrific to deal with. Sometimes it becomes overbearing and just too much for my shoulders to handle. It's hard for me to cope to the point where I still text my dead best friend's phone number every single night before falling asleep. I know it's not active anymore but still. It brings me peace and comfort anyway.

It's words and kindness like yours and Kelly Chaos' that makes me feel alive again. It fuels my ambition and reminds me why I'm still here. Though I might lose my focus, stumbling and falling, I will rise again and pick myself back up. I just hope you stick around to see me blossom into the person I want to be.

by ๐’๐ฉ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž๐ซ; ; Report

Connecting with people is something I do best. I think it's the empath in me. I can relate to a shocking level of trauma. 2008-2017 were NOT good years. I have some kind of horror story for each one of them. But the experience that I have tried to take from that disaster is that everyone is going through something. I would never want to be unkind to someone, purposefully, even if they had reacted towards me first. a) I don't have the energy to be mad. I just don't. b) if they are reacting at me, they are probably hurting themselves, and compassion, while slightly irritating, might be the better way to receive their anger. Doesn't mean I have always succeeded in that. But I try. Because life is hard and there is no guidebook. We aren't taught in schools how to deal with trauma, or death, or really how to *live* life. It's a trial and error sort of thing.

I think it's sweet that you still text their number. I don't do that. But I have a voicemail that's saved and whenever I miss her voice, I listen to that. Sometimes, I'll go back and scan old emails or Skype chats, something that was just an *us* thing. She was much more of a public figure than I was, so while there is material out there that is of her...it's not the same. It's not the connection that *we* had, specifically. But ugh. Yes. Survivors guilt is just awful sometimes.

It's okay to lose focus, as long as you come back on track, at some point. I pretty much disappeared from social media (minus FB) for all of 2020. As someone whose job relies on social media...that wasn't a smart move. But I didn't have the strength or the spoons to do much. I'm just now getting back on track. Sometimes losing focus isn't a one day/one week event. Sometimes it's a 365 day one. Just as long as you come back. And remember your dreams and goals, and hopes for the future.

I hope you do have the chance to fall in love and raise children. Your wisdom, at nineteen, is truly amazing. I'm just a touch over a decade older than you and if I had had your wisdom and words at that age, it probably would've saved me a year or two of the bullshit that was the end of my teen years. You have a way with words...and if you can, and you want to, you should pursue that. A lot of people could benefit from hearing your story.

by Josefina; ; Report

Pete Bit

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Hi! Thanks for the add. What a cool, well thought out profile. Have a great day!

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Thank you for checking it out, it means a lot to me. And thank you, you too! Just make sure to stay hydrated โ™ฅ

by ๐’๐ฉ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž๐ซ; ; Report

Jaxxy

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Spencer thanks for the add, I know, generic comment but here's something that isn't:

Throughout my childhood, teens, and even adulthood I've attempted suicide many times for my own reasons. I can't even do that right. People say you die when its your time, well I'm pretty tired of waiting and that's when life becomes a rollercoaster and each up and down is unique. I start to anticipate how special the next "up" will be and surely enough a spark comes along and everything is all rainbows again until it goes wrong, but that's how life is for some people. Sometimes you learn to live that way. Sure, things get better but doesn't always stay that way...no not for everyone but it definitely won't if you stop looking for the next "up". So long as you draw breath, you can change that every time. Shit gets gets easier the moment you accept that every up AND down is temporary. Life is about the next chapter you write just make sure you keep writing and be sure you don't run out of ink aka HOPE.

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I'm fucking speechless right now, I don't even know what to say right now besides thank you. I'm literally in tears after reading this โ™ฅ

by ๐’๐ฉ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž๐ซ; ; Report

I don't even know you but I love you already. My heart is with you, Spencer.

by Jaxxy; ; Report

Bucky Seifert

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I know it only means so much from an internet rando but sending you good vibes~

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Selina xo

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i โ™ฅ your profile! its so cool!
also thanks for accepting meeeeeeeee

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Sinister Chance

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Thank you so much for accepting my friend request. You have such a beautiful, old soul. I absolutely adore it and wished more people could have a heart like you.
Hope your having a wonderful Monday so far.

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I appreciate it so much, thank you ๏ธ

by ๐’๐ฉ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž๐ซ; ; Report

ash lynx

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love you so much bean! thinking of you today.

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always here!

by ash lynx; ; Report

Christopher

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Absolutely love the profile layout! Thanks for the add

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Thank you and no problem ๏ธ

by ๐’๐ฉ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž๐ซ; ; Report

Rayne Murder

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Sending you love and positive vibes!
How are you doing hun?

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Really shitty if Iโ€™m honest... Depression is kicking my ass and it hurts to know people only reached out cos a close friend told them to...

by ๐’๐ฉ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž๐ซ; ; Report

I'm sorry. I don't get on this a lot so I haven't been up to date on this. So I apologize about that. But when Kelly mentioned you yes I jumped on it yes. I won't lie. I don't want you feeling like that at all.
My dms are always open to you. I know you don't know me well to confined in me yet..I'm here though. So I will not pressure you hun into talking if you don't want too.
Honestly I'd love to get to know everyone on my list. So remember this sweetie.
I am here. Yes you've heard it before.
But take it from someone who has lost a lot of people they love from this.
I'll leave you be. But if you reply to this then I'll keep going.
I never want someone to feel or go through so much shit that can't be solved or leave fast.
I send you my love.
โ™ฅ๏ธ๐Ÿ’‹

by Rayne Murder; ; Report

You're right, I have heard it all before. Everyone jumped the gun to add and comment on my page immediately, it was insane. For a moment in time I actually felt like I was on top of the world, but it was soon met with defeat because I realised everyone only did this for the sake somebody told them to. They didn't do this because they had the idea themselves, no. They did it either for the fact they wanted to improve their image and look better as a person online or they just felt bad for me. Either way, it makes me feel like shit.

Before you ask me who hurt me, the answer to that question is lots. I've learned over the course of years that people will abuse, abandon, take, and never appreciate. I closed myself off for the longest out of fear of being rejected. Being bullied was something I know all too well growing up as well whether it was from people at school or by my own immediate "blood family".

by ๐’๐ฉ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž๐ซ; ; Report

No one should go or feel like that. I don't mean to make you feel like shit. I just don't want you being upset or mad etc there is too many negative things going on that we all forget to love one another.
I have a brother who is gay. So I've seen and heard it all before. Trust me I didn't allow it. I'm over protective of him and all my family.
Everyone gets hurt/abused in some way or form. Yet that doesn't mean you lower yourself to their standards. You are more then what you feel or what they say. They hurt you to feel better about themselves. They crave the negativity that comes with pain. Making them feel like they are top and making you feel weak.
Yet you will rise trust me. You will learn and understand what happens now will define you in the future. In positive ways.
May not understand that right now but later it'll come to you.
I just don't want anything bad to happen ๐Ÿ˜•๐Ÿ˜ช

by Rayne Murder; ; Report

I think the only real danger here to me is my mind at this point. I know this makes me a hypocrite for saying I wish I never succeeded my own suicide attempts but tell others to stay alive, well, and breathing, but I guess I can't help that. I'm fucked up in more ways than anyone could imagine. Maybe this is why I'm alone all the time, who knows.

by ๐’๐ฉ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž๐ซ; ; Report

A mind can be a dangerous thing at times. Sometimes we have to try and tame it. Have you thought of ways to take you mind off it? Hangout with friend. Jam to music. Face time a friend. Call etc

by Rayne Murder; ; Report

If I had a friend I don't think I would be sitting here feeling empty inside.

by ๐’๐ฉ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž๐ซ; ; Report

A friend can be someone online too. You don't have to limit yourself to in person hun. Sorry if that made you upset at me.
Seem annoyed

by Rayne Murder; ; Report

I'm not annoyed it's literally just how I type. I stopped showing emotion as of today cos no one seemed to care. What I was trying to get at is this: I can't keep a friend to save my life. If I had one, I would be FaceTiming them right now if I had the chance. But even then so that's not going to help me. I need to surround myself with people. I refuse to be alone. I can't. I won't. I don't like my own space unless it's needed.

by ๐’๐ฉ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž๐ซ; ; Report

Then what we need to do is get your ass out there. I would so chill with you ๐Ÿ˜Œ. I doubt your around my area though. Yet if you like we can still talk.
I will throw some memes at you or emojis. Be like hey you! Then bam a silly face.

by Rayne Murder; ; Report

If I had the finances, I would have left a long time ago. If money wasn't an item and travelling was free, nobody would see me ever again. It sucks because I'm too poor to the point where I've been wearing the same pair of jeans for over a year and a half now and can't even buy a new pair of pants because my money is immediately sent to my landlord. We love that for me.

by ๐’๐ฉ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž๐ซ; ; Report

Money is tight for all. It won't get any better cause of the covid issue.
I really hope that changes for you soon. I know a lot of mess is increasing in price too. So everyone is getting frustrated.

by Rayne Murder; ; Report

Everything is simply too much. It's just โ€” too much.

by ๐’๐ฉ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž๐ซ; ; Report

I agree. I will not argue.
Sorry for blowing up your comments jeez..
My ass made it long ๐Ÿ˜ฉ for you.

by Rayne Murder; ; Report

That's not what I meant and I don't mind. No one checks this thing anyway.

by ๐’๐ฉ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž๐ซ; ; Report

Sorry for late reply.
I've been puking my brains out.
Tmi I know.

by Rayne Murder; ; Report