lov3rbarbi33
"crying about it"
22
Last active:
Mood: 😵💫
View my: Blog | Forum Topics
Contacting lov3rbarbi33
Add to Friends
Add to Favorites
Send Message
Forward to Friend
Instant Message
Block User
Add to Group
Report User
SpaceHey URL:
https://spacehey.com/profile?id=1691122
lov3rbarbi33's Interests
|
General |
astrology |
|
Music |
anything, but especially stuff that you could listen to on a rainy day or something the main character would listen to in a movie about the future or something that feels like 2007 Seattle ... but sometimes you have to listen to terrible music |
|
Movies |
anything but especially movies with a good set, makeup and costumes, i've come to live without good plot but that can also be good |
|
Television |
depressing shows with a self-absorbed main character |
|
Books |
leftist political theory and nihilist fiction |
|
Heroes |
britney spears, my nipples , janet jackson, that one episode of adventure time, snooki & jwoww, pinkpantheress, thrifted kids t-shirts, raymond the catman, whores/sluts, dolly parton, cigarettes when i'm drunk, the moon, serena from mtv's downtown, kwame nkrumah, my birthday, jonny by faye webster, the album norman fuckin rockwell, pinterest when i'm sad |
lov3rbarbi33's Latest Blog Entries [View Blog]
sexual inadequacy (view more)
bum blum bum bum bummmmmm (view more)
life has its problems and I get more than my share (view more)
I called my mom today (view more)
I think ive been running from my feelings (view more)
lov3rbarbi33's Blurbs
About me:
im actually terrible... fashion <33 nostalgia <33 pop culture <33
Who I'd like to meet:
people who can recommend apocalyptic books, movies and games,,, as well as political theory book preferably by female authors...
lov3rbarbi33's Friend Space
[view all]lov3rbarbi33 has 14 friends.
lov3rbarbi33's Friends Comments
Displaying 7 of 7 comments ( View all | Add Comment )
|
lov3rbarbi33
|
I really wish ppl would comment on my posts but as much as people are nostalgic for Facebook u ppl don't like reading and aren't nosy enough to read other peoples posts to comment |
|
lov3rbarbi33
|
I wis I could write everything on here not that im withholding it but its just tiring to relive it |
|
lov3rbarbi33
|
honestly I find myself thinking "I want my mommy" all the time but she wouldn't make this situation better. I told my friend that I don't think I deserve love without pain. everyone in my life has disappointed me... the closer they are to me the more disappointing they are and maybe its like this: everyone is disappointing if you know them intimately. like those strangers you pass by on the street or sit next to in traffic if you knew them intimately they'd disappoint you too in some way shape or form. I don't know and maybe im too reliant on people? I don't think so. I don't wanna be in the situation I am in anymore so I went out I got a job and an internship both paid. im practically doing everything for myself and even more so when I leave my bfs place im prepared/ maybe im just gaslighting myself. I put my laptop down and tried to go to sleep but I couldn't... but the problem is I think is I want these things to be easy but I knew what I was doing packing my shit and moving in with my boyfriend but I thought I knew him... I thought being on the phone w him 24/7 is the same as living with him and other people and seeing him interact with them. it isn't up to my standards... |
|
lov3rbarbi33
|
I mean im not completely innocent my problem is I feel so strongly and I honestly wish I didn't identify so much with my feelings like u can say something so small to me and now I have to hurt you like you hurt me and mine will sting ten times worse... I feel so intensely on. my own and then by the time its time to talk it out I've already gone through the five stages of grief (including soothing myself) so I don't feel the need to talk but then the resentments are still there... im so sleepy is it because I carry my past around with me constantly? my friend says I should cut myself some slack because I've been through a lot and im going through a lot. but I already cried myself to sleep today so what is there to say I just feel immense sadness and it doesn't feel like talking is going to solve it its just best to let it go. he came in and asked me if I wanted food and kissed my tummy and I melt I truly do. he doesn't even know he hurt me... im just going to go to sleep and try to speak up when I can hopefully neither of us dies before I say something |
|
lov3rbarbi33
|
also faye Webster might be my new obsession why didn't nobody tell me her shit was this good like I've only been listening to that one song |
|
lov3rbarbi33
|
falling asleep listening to Jonny by Faye Webster... and my boyfriend is completely oblivious but like I just feel like because he lost his job he should only be paying attention to me but like I need to understand that he has his own things still like games I guess? but its like where were these hobbies when he was working ? it was all New York New York new York. like he complains that his reasoning for going to New York was because there's nothing to do in Philly and he has no friends here... like? that's not going to change by going to ny you can't talk to people here you're not going to be able to talk to them there? ny doesn't make you outgoing if you aren't u have to talk to people... moving to a different city isn't going to solve all of your problems that what I told him about moving out with him like I know there's going to be some traumas I haven't had Time to process while living with my mom and they're going to our out once I leave and I don't want that to happen while he's around because its not fair to him... but here I am dealing with it while living with my boyfriend... today I thought im surprised I haven't had a meltdown yet because this is a lot of change but I don't know maybe im just tired |
|
lov3rbarbi33
|
there's something so lovely about listening to Lana while its pouring rain outside and ur mad at ur lover but they're oblivious and asleep right next to you and ur typing and there's a little bit of light coming in the room I feel like im in a movie |