☾✦☽ ɪᴠᴀɴ ✧── 🛸

ℳ𝓎 𝒟ear Friend 𓏲ּ𝄢…

I love speaking in the future rather than the present because the distance between you and me destroys me into pieces. I want you to know that if you don’t feel the same way, I have tried more than a thousand times to get you out of my head, to try to forget you, but every time I see something, I think of you. It’s as if I were cursed with being unable to stop loving you. It’s something I won’t complain about right now because I am blinded by loving you with my whole heart. I don’t know if I am confessing myself or if I am pouring out my love here, on a website that I will probably never use again after this. Every day I write more and more, because every day I feel more emotions for you. You know, I’ve been dreaming about you lately. I feel more attached to you, and it’s because I like you so much. Every day I feel that emotion grow—not endlessly, but it grows every time I’m with you, every time I remember you, when I remember my moments with you, and when I see things that remind me of you. I can’t stop thinking about you, about what I could achieve with you, about giving you my entire life, showing you my love whenever I have the chance.. wiping away your tears… making you laugh, fulfilling your wishes, and being by your side when you reach your goals, congratulating you for everything and almost everything!! Trying to make you feel as comfortable as possible when you’re with me. I want to make you feel loved, the way you made me feel when you were with me that DAY. Even if we are just friends or best friends, when we become strangers again or when we have little connection, I will always feel the same until the moment you give me a “No.” I know I won’t stop feeling this for a while because I will be in denial. If your wish is for me to leave you alone, I will do it, even if it hurts to accept it. But I suppose it will be for my own good to accept our destiny and not force you to have someone like this when you feel uncomfortable just by seeing a message. I would love for you to reply to my message—this message. But right now, I see that as something impossible, you know. It’s uncomfortable to love with intensity, and I would like to know how you feel about it, if you would like to talk about it. You know, I love writing you new things every day, even knowing that you will probably never get to read this—unless I somehow get a chance and you help me make it happen, haha. I long to be the person who brightens your days, who makes you laugh and feel loved, to be your beloved, your boyfriend, or at least someone special to you something more than a friend or best friend, to be your special person. Do you know how complicated it is for me to understand how you feel about me? Whether you feel comfortable or uncomfortable. You never really give me the time to ask you, or it simply feels forced when you’re with us. I want an opportunity with you. Do you know how difficult it is for me to take a step like that? I’ve told you before—I’m a shy person, someone who struggles to talk about themselves. But I’m writing this to you with my soul and my heart together. My eyes reached a brightness impossible to ignore. It sounds cheesy, but if I’m honest, you completely caught me by surprise. You know, the warmth in my heart, my flushed cheeks, my racing heartbeat, my nervousness—my hands were shaking so much I couldn’t even keep my mouse still, haha. It’s strange, you know? I never thought I would feel something like this, much less in the way it happened and in the place where it did. Do you really feel the same? You know, I doubt it’s a no, but I care about you and I love you so much. Can I be by your side? I would like to talk to you, but with one hand holding yours and the other over my heart. I would love to listen to you talk about the things you like, to always remind you how much I care about you, to tell you many unexpected “I love yous,” and if you let me, to give you unexpected hugs. I would like to be by your side, you know? I know I’ve said it many times, but I want it so badly that I can’t stop thinking about it. I dreamed about you. I don’t have much to imagine, you know? I only have your personality, the way you are when you talk to me, and that’s something I liked a lot. I would like to make matching things with you, but haha… lately I’ve been saving very little, so I don’t really have much to give you as a gift from me :C. But does that matter right now? I want to know how you are, I want to know about you. Um… I realized that because of the lack of knowledge I have of your language, I don’t express myself the way I truly am, and I’m sorry for that, hehe. I guess it’s not good of me to not ask you how you are when we’re together. I’ll do my best from now on. If I’m honest with you, I feel embarrassed talking about myself like this. Do you see me as too intense, or like I imagine too much when it comes to you? This feeling is very new to me; it’s been a long time since I felt something like this. You were the light in my bad days, and I thank you for that with my whole heart. I would like to give you all your wishes, to give you the moon if you wanted it, a star, or even the sun—but I’m not someone who focuses much on material things or idk what is that. I just don’t know how else to express myself anymore. I don’t know if I feel too much, or if I’ve just been tired lately. I already started talking about myself lol well, um, I don’t like talking about myself when I feel the need to write about you, but anyway. I love you—more than you could even imagine. You know, something I’d really like to do with you is to play Minecraft together, haha. For some reason, I feel like I’d be able to be better with you there because I’d be seeing your actions. I don’t know, I just feel this desire to be able to see you and play with you, to have a house together and… well, I’d better stop, hehe I love u!! Probably my way of being isn’t that “wow.” In fact, I’ve never had someone like you before, you know? I didn’t think you’d stay despite everything, hehe. You’re kind of like my everything. I’m taking the time to stop using a translator—well, um, not completely, because it’s hard for me to keep habits or I just don’t really try to make them habits—but somehow you matter a lot to me even though we haven’t shared that many moments. I really like drawing you. I couldn’t tell you that you turn out well because I don’t like painting, and if I’m honest, I didn’t feel like drawing at all and I was losing my style, my desire to keep doing something I like. But if I’m direct, thanks to you—even if it doesn’t seem like it and even if you didn’t do anything on purpose—I went back to doing things I had stopped doing because I had no motivation. And thank you for being present!! I won’t lie to you, I’d like to spend more time with you, but without having to force you to come. I’d like to be with you because you come on your own, instead of me inviting you—but I don’t want to demand anything, you know? I like inviting you and having you take your beautiful time to come by for a bit :3 I’d love for you to understand me, but that might already be asking for something I don’t truly need. Still, I would like to be able to message you more freely, send you a photo of something that happened to me while playing, or even have you do the same! But I’ll just wait for that to happen someday, because I don’t want to ask you for too many things and make you feel uncomfortable. I want to know more about you. I want to get to know you better. I want to know your tastes, your favorite song, and be able to understand you in the games, series, or videos you like!! I don’t want to be—um, I don’t know. I’ll just let you take all the time you want to tell me, because I’d rather you feel confident enough to say it than have me ask. I’d like you to feel trust—or whatever it is—when you’re with me, to make you feel comfortable and for you to feel like you’re okay there. Are you looking for the same thing as me? Or am I getting ahead of myself? I want to be something else—only if you’d like to let me be. I can’t stop thinking about you; it’s something that feels inevitable. I love you so much!! Does it show a lot that I do? Sabes, me he sentido muy mal ultimamente, mentalmente y fisicamente. Me siento muy cansado a pesar de no hacer mucho, solo me gustaria descansar mas de la cuenta jeje, a pesar de todo... No sentis lo mismo y me cuesta aceptarlo, no es como si yo haga mucho tampoco para tener mejor vinculo jeje... Eso me pone triste y creo que esa es una de las principales razones por la cual me siento bastante bajoneado, me hubiera encantado estar contigo y ser,,. pero supongo que mis expectativas nunca pudieron estar en su mínimo, me gustaria ser lo que buscar, lo que sea que buscas en una persona pero tampoco sere tan intenso y cambiaria cosas de mi para buscar a alguien que no sienta lo mismo por mi, no se tus sentimientos.. Nunca hablamos a pesar de que yo te escriba a diario a veces pero bueno!! Supongo que no te puedo obligar a ver mis mensajes o lo que sea. Me gusta mucho tu forma de ser y a pesar de todo no puedo dejar de pensar en las cosas que me haz dicho que te gustan, incluso de tanto que aparecen en mi cabeza las he soñado, no algo de entero pero si tuvo sus muchas menciones, incluso en alguno que otro sueño que yo puedo llamar pesadilla aun que no lo fuera son mencionadas como algo de un lugar seguro jeje, me gustan muchas cosas de ti a pesar de no saber todo, y hay pocas cosas que tenemos en comun pero jeje ya estoy cambiando de tema, perdoname. Me gustas mucho, mas de lo que puedas estar pensando y es algo que no puedo dejar de hacer, dame limites por favor, no quiero incomodarte ni nada malo, solo quiero gustarte de algún modo, no quiero que te canses de mi y estuve dejando de hacer cosas por que hasta yo me he cansado pero algunas las dejo por que me gusta mantener algo de ti, si llegas a leer esto, por tu voluntad propia (algo que no creo que fuera a pasar pero jeje) o yo tuve las fuerzas para pedirte que lo hagas, te pido perdon por muchas cosas, ¿Si? Hablame si es necesario, dale un fin o un empiezo a las cosas, quiero dejar de tener expectativas altas y empezar a pisar tierra, dimelo todo aun que duela, decime como te sentis al estar conmigo, te amo como amigo e incluso mas y quiero dejar de tener ilusiones altas, parar esto y tener un vinculo mas sano contigo, no se si lo nuestro es sano o no es nada malo pero, eh., bueno no se mucho que decir, tengo tanto que decir que no tengo otra manera de expresar, quiero hablar sin meter mis expectativas en medio porque ya lo he hecho a eso muchas veces pero es algo que no puedo evitar y ya estoy hablando nuevamente de eso, perdón, solo quiero mejorar nuestra amistad o bueno eso,, je, me gustaria saber eso de ti, bueno? No me hace bien y bueno jeje, solo decime como te sentís verdaderamente y saber esas cosas, ok..?? JAJAJAJ BUENO YA, me entiendo bien? soy yo solo expresandome y no me gusta eso, me siento raro o no sé cómo me siento sinceramente jeje, j ok jeje, repito muchas cosas pero por que de verdad las quiero saber y creo que es algo notorio jeje bueno ya paro. i love u so much (.╥_╥.) Luka told me, “Isaa, you gotta find someone else to love, lol.”

Jeje, sorry, Luks! It’s not that I can just stop immediately because you say it’s not my place or my responsibility. My heart is the one that knows who to love and who not to love… or at least that’s what I think.

I know what I want, I know what I want to happen, and I know who I want to be. My love isn’t just for anyone, or at least that’s what I think. I’ve never had anyone who loves me, lol… or at least that’s how it feels.

Yeah, I didn’t know anything back then, JAJAJAJ 

Anyway, my heart feels strongly and my mind seeks to express it; my fingers write in the moment of seeing and in the moment of feeling.

I write for myself, but what I write is meant for someone else  Recuerdo que mi padre me había dicho que nadie me iba a amar por como soy ni por el hecho de ser gay y que nunca encontraría a alguien quien me ame de la misma manera de la que yo lo amare, sé que no lo hizo con mala intención y sin intentar hacerme sentir mal, sabía que tenía razón, pero realmente quería demostrarle que estuvo equivocado todo el tiempo hehe. Pero supongo que deberé seguir esperando a que me llegue ese amor correspondido, Me encantaria y me hubiera encantado que fueras vos, aun tengo la esperanza, sabes? y eso depende en lo que vos sientas y quieras de mi ´ཀ` Halloo, me tome el tiempo de leerlo todo nuevamente y me estoy muriendo plenamente de la verguenza ahora mismo i mean, lol?? ehm jeje, perdoname la verdad fui muy intenso pero bueno nunca espere eso de mi y la verdad me siento DEMASIADO gay con respecto a esto. Aun que aun asi me encantaria probar algo nuevo contigo, eso todo dependiendo que tu quieras, busques lo mismo y que bueno jeje, que realmente sientas lo mismo pero BUENO, quiero dejar de hacer eso, de amarte asi y que sientas incomodidad con respecto a eso bueno, quiero ser tu shut up luka shut up luka shut up luka shut up luka shut up luka shut up luka shut up luka shut up luka shut up luka shut up luka shut up luka shut up luka shut up luka shut up luka Luka, My dear friend, se que para mi vos queres el bien, queres que me vaya bien en todo lo que quiero hacer, a vos te deseo el bien y espero que obtengas todo lo que necesites, estuve contigo siempre y a tu lado ayudandote y dandote la ayuda que tanto necesitabas. Amigo mio, te quito un poco de tu tiempo y tus palabras pidiendote eso que segun tu tanto sabes, hice todo lo que dijiste a mi manera, no fui directo pero tampoco fui discreto pedi tu ayuda y tu consejo pero a pesar de todo me hiciste lo mismo amigo mio, te explique durante unos meses mi sentir dandome unos 3 o 4 consejos, why i'm talking abt u??? Wawa, i love u Tik tok fucking stupid app im gonna kill everyone VOY A EMPEZAR A HABLAR CON CHAT GPT SOBRE ESTO, DEJEN DE CREARME MALES PENSARES, DEJENME SER FELIZ MALDITOS TRAIDORES, DEJENME 🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀 Amo dibujar lo que te gusta, mis dibujos la mayoria son de cosas que te gustan, o las que yo creo que te gustan basandome en nuestras platicas, empezo la escuela y supongo que ahora tendremos menos contacto. Escribo esto antes de ir a clases y estar todo el dia fuera de casa y volver de noche, esta cancion es muy buena mentías de mi te reías y te burlabas de mi gran amor mentias y yo te creia Ahora mismo estoy dibujando algo que se me ocurrio cuando estabamos jugando, asi que no estoy escribiendo mucho jeje, perdoname Wawa ¿Te he dicho que eres la luz de mis días? En las horas del día el sol cuando te ve siente la envidia de tu resplandor, sintiéndose pequeño y débil en comparación contigo. Y en las horas de la noche la luna podría decirte la envidia que surge en ella al ver tu belleza, deseando tener la misma hermosura que posees cuando es el momento de su salida

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Estoy escribiendo esto antes de ir a la escuela, me voy a rajar un tiro malditos los odio a todos 😳 I need u

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"I'm hungry" Puedo cocinarte algo si quieres

"I feel.." Déjame ayudarte en eso!

"My ... Hurts" Puedo atenderte si gustas

"I want..." Te daré todo lo que quieras

"I like..." Cuentame lo que gustes, me gusta que me hables de lo que te interesa