karnival

General

idk how to explain my taste properly lol <:D weird, well-built, slightly surreal worlds + messy interpersonal stuff between characters // heavy / uncomfortable themes = yes. the ugly side of life… all the hidden / ignored stuff lol but also… stupid comedies ??? like really dumb ones lolol <3 honestly i’ll watch / read / play / whatever almost anything ??? not picky at all, really just vibes + curiosity ++ inside my brain it’s just a massive, unpolished soup of psychological shit, liminal spaces, dreamcore, weirdcore, trauma-core as a literal concept (that eerie duckling syndrome feeling of life where everything feels slightly off-center and uncanny !!) absolute fangirl of anything psychopomp / yume nikki / the entire project moon universe / rule of rose / silent hill vibes... and ugh FEAR AND HUNGER & MOUTHWASHING is literally the pinnacle of everything i love !! give me that brutal, unforgiving, beautifully fucked up storytelling where every single character is a walking disaster trying to survive a nightmare environment // BLOODBORNE too like that whole decaying victorian england aesthetic, gothic rot, halloween themes, vampires and hunters, werewolves (absolute pure perfection !!) grew up on internet creepypastas since childhood so i guess i just naturally became a bit of a weird kid but who cares lol !! i love imperfection, decay, and conspiracy theories, and things that look completely broken and ugly to the general mass because sterile aesthetics are boring as hell ++ i crave those insanely complex dynamics and ambiguous character arcs that leave a heavy, lingering, deeply uncomfortable aftertaste... honestly kinda like a modern interactive edgar allan poe story where everything is haunting, decaying, and beautifully grim // im so deeply obsessed with massive, deep settings, historical conflicts, and those raw political/social questions, but what i love the absolute most is local human dramas !! just small-scale, ugly, messy human friction where people are completely ruined but so insanely genuine in their core flaws and desperation !! i want the raw, heavy, controversial stuff — tragic stories of soldiers, taboo historical/wartime dynamics, rigid class friction between the proletariat and the bourgeoisie where it's absolutely not accepted among ordinary men while the bourgeoisie just gets away with whatever... absolute moral rot !! (though gosha the goose definitely doesn't approve lol, gosha is a true proletariat and raised his wife and kids exactly the same way !!) but at the exact same time im a massive nintendo switch fangirl lolol deeply obsessed with indie gems, retro titles, and games that mimic that old-school unpolished look !! basically my brain either demands high-concept psychological ruins, raw historical friction, or completely brainless, utterly stupid internet comedies and trash tv because the duality is real, why not ?? strictly driven by pure curiosity and the urge to see behind the curtains of everything, life’s too short to gatekeep your own interests anyway

Music

music ??? srsly idk how to explain it properly lol <:D zero snobbery here !!! my brain literally craves the absolute weirdest audio whiplash humanly possible ! like one second im drowning in raw post-soviet tape-hiss nostalgia with siberian underground punk, letov, yanka dyagileva... and then ?? it instantly flips into creepy gothic deathrock tunes and horror punk // just pure unfiltered chaos inside my ears 24/7 !!! and oh my god snake river conspiracy and russkiy razmer are such a massive comfort mood, give me all that heavy crunchy industrial alt-rock grit slammed together with 90s/00s eurodance energy and pure hyperactive electronic beats ! honestly ELECTRONIC MUSIC is my ultimate playground, i’ll devour absolutely anything from cheesy 80s italo-disco and fast eurobeat to completely blown-out happy hardcore and unhinged digital soundscapes like neros day at disneyland !!! but then ??? my brain randomly switches to old-school soviet songs, wartime classics, and tracks about geologists ?? like this intense wave of raw honor, unity, and genuine romanticism about the future ... plus weird indie bard stuff like venya drkin or kabaret sybarit because if a song has either a heavy rhythm or deep meaning — it goes straight into the pile ! usually a punk/rock head at core but rules are fake and genres are boring, honestly i listen to so much random shit all the time that i can't even remember half of the bands right now lolol im just a crazy music hoarder woman and my library is an endless deep abyss, no thoughts just pure vibration < :D

Movies

movies ??? ugh srsly where do i even start because modern cinema is such a massive corporate letdown lately -_- everything feels so simplified, lazy, and vulgar, just a sad cash grab to make the most money with zero effort instead of showing off actual craft or raw ideas, it honestly makes me so sad !!! for me movies need to have a real independent artistic soul or that perfect bittersweet feeling where you laugh and cry at the same time х) give me the absolute masterpiece that is Amelie or 8 Women (8 femmes !!) because french creativity and their whole visual lens is just pure perfection !!! and oh my god the entire world of CZECH CINEMA !!! especially those creepy, unhinged stop-motion puppet shows and surreal puppet films like that Alice movie (jan svankmajer vibes XD) — it’s just this unique, raw, absurd energy you can't find anywhere else !!! vintage cartoons and old movies fit right in here too, they just have this rare romantic sense of meaning and hope that i love lol ) but then ??? instantly flip the switch into total urban decay, abandoned buildings, and absolute halloween aesthetics because i crave all things creepy and spooky -_- plus im incredibly obsessed with deep-diving into documentary films, especially anything about wild animals, nature, or history because reality is the weirdest thriller out there ! and oh my god i also have this weird massive love for absolutely atrocious, horribly made movies like birdemic because they are so aggressively terrible and boring that they somehow become peak entertainment XD also completely unhinged absurdist sci-fi flights like kin-dza-dza just totally scratch that itch in my brain !! give me high-concept arthouse, psychological thrillers, puppet nightmares, trash masterpieces, and messy human dramas instead of boring modern sludge and im happy < :D

Television

tv // series ??? honestly matching my attention span to long shows is usually a total nightmare, but when a concept actually hits, it just completely wrecks my brain -_- like, revolutionary girl utena is the absolute blueprint here, just pure unfiltered perfection that i constantly look back to !!! the whole watchlist is just a chaotic, unstructured stream of heavy psychological themes, weird visuals, and pure trash comedy. on one hand, you have the heavy hitters like madoka magica, flcl, trigun, dorohedoro, and hellsing, right next to land of the lustrous, dungeon meshi, and basically everything fujimoto drops — look back is an absolute masterclass and chainsaw man is just delightfully wild х) serial experiments lain is permanently sitting on my to-watch list, but then my brain completely short-circuits and demands mindless comedy like azumanga daioh, chiikawa, hetalia, or whatever cozy low-stakes project helps turn off my thoughts for an hour for cartoons, krtek was my absolute childhood favorite, alongside unhinged stuff like courage the cowardly dog, adventure time, and steven universe... and honestly, nothing beats the pure chaotic energy of awful trash tv ??? like that dead reality show where a bunch of gay guys had to pretend to be straight to win cash XD just spectacular nonsense. toss in some creepy youtube args, random local web projects, monkey life, and maybe sitting down for bojack horseman or the sopranos if i ever find the focus, and that’s basically it !!! if it has a sharp aesthetic, actual substance, or is just stupidly raw and fast-paced enough to reset my brain, it goes straight into the pile

Books

books are a total mess for me right now because i literally read whatever catches my eye or feels weirdly specific ;)) like lately i've been deeeeep into typologies and personality systems... finished psychosofy and socionics, and now i'm just wrapping up some enneagram books !! honestly no idea if that fits the vibe but now i want to look into basic astronomy and tarot just to map out character archetypes () same goes for norse, germanic, and greek mythology // that whole world is just so good for building ideas,,, as for actual literature, i'm mostly chasing that specific bittersweet or slightly gothic mood !!! edgar allan poe is the absolute blueprint for the spooky stuff, but i reeeally want to get into hemingway and that whole generation. jack london’s short stories are another thing i deeply love and value... kafka and kundera are huge goals too, especially the unbearable lightness of being because that heavy absurd existentialism is exactly it. also need to properly read the good soldier švejk instead of just dropping it . . . i already went through the manuscript found in saragossa and loved it, and death in venice is definitely next ! oh and the door into summer was a childhood favorite, same as alice and the wizard of oz, that surreal dream logic just sticks with you !! i also love light essay collections or short stories like i feel bad about my neck, just casual but clever commentary !!! poetry definitely counts here too because that inner personal conflict and deep drama just hits too close to home . . . novella matveeva is a massive one for me, her entire worldview and way of thinking just completely resonates with my soul, and honestly alexander vertinsky and marina tsvetaeva bring that exact same intense tragic energy i understand so well !! funny enough, robert rozhdestvensky fits right into this mood too !!! don quixote is an absolute must-add here too, it’s a crime not to mention it honestly, and i reeeally want to dive into alexandre dumas’ stuff because he has so many gems beyond the super famous ones !! since the czech and french style pretty much rules my taste, i just want more of that weird classic energy... maybe pick up two captains or some vintage agatha christie mysteries for the plot. just no trashy romance or cheap drama, i can't stand that garbage !!! if you want recs based on that, maybe check out short stories by guy de maupassant or something wicked this way comes by ray bradbury (it has that perfect eerie dark carnival autumn energy !!) or even cosmicomics by italo calvino if you want surreal scientific myths mixed with funny human traits . . . anything that makes the brain work but keeps that tragicomic, slightly raw edge is perfect !!!

Heroes

heroes // kins // absolute icons ??? whatever, the previous sections are finally locked and loaded, so let’s totally wipe the slate clean and list the actual inhabitants of my mind palace ;)) the "literally me" department // characters that operate on my exact brainwaves and emotional frequencies . . . revolutionary girl utena (an absolute anchor for my soul, i’ve seen myself in her for ages and she just means the world to me !!) and marina along with asya from z.a.t.o. (god, that specific conversational flow and internal friction, i relate to them from top to bottom !!!) also dragging in both versions of don quixote — the original book legend and the limbus company incarnation because that glorious, delusional idealism is just spectacular !! rodya from limbus company fits right in too,,, and oh my god TASKI MAIDEN FROM BBQ ENA !!! YES !! HER !!! THAT IS 100% ME FR x_x plus tomas and švejk from czech literature because that vibe of existential drifting is just too close to home -_- then we have the ultimate trinity of brilliantly written, multifaceted figures that i absolutely worship // anthy himemiya from revolutionary girl utena, angela from the project moon universe, and phos from land of the lustrous !!! anya from mouthwashing belongs right alongside them too. honestly, i have a massive soft spot for women with heavy, layered, and painful histories in fiction... mainstream media is drowned in male perspectives, so it’s always incredible to see deep, complex stories focusing on women and their grief . . . consciousness and bliss (eternity ahead) then the thoughts immediately derail into unhinged chaos and gaming territory // yuzuha, burnice, and seed from zenless zone zero, dack and arthur from mewgenics, and maaaaybe zephyr too ??? also soul from soul eater and kaiman from dorohedoro !! AND USAGI FROM CHIIKAWA !!! (even though literally everyone else says i’m hachiware XD) basically if a character is completely shattered inside, desperately hunting for purpose, or just running around screaming into the void — congrats, you are now officially a permanent resident in my brain rot collection !!!

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