Tobyxyq

About me:

I am fifteen years old, although sometimes I feel like I’ve lived many different versions of myself in such a short time. I was born in Sweden, a place cold in climate but full of memories I can barely hold onto. Later I lived in Ecuador, where the warmth, the colors, and the voices seemed to wrap around everything. Now I’m in Spain, trying to understand what it means to belong somewhere when you’ve had to start over more than once. I like to draw. Drawing is the most honest way I know how to exist. When the world becomes too loud or too confusing, the pencil understands what I can’t explain. In my drawings there are emotions I don’t know how to name, versions of myself I don’t always dare to show, and worlds that feel more real than the one I walk through every day. It’s as if, with every stroke, I can organize the chaos I carry inside. I also listen to a lot of music. Music is my invisible refuge. There are songs that hold me up when everything feels too heavy, and others that keep me company in silence, as if someone, somewhere, has felt exactly the same way I do. Sometimes I don’t need to speak; I just need headphones and to let the lyrics say what I can’t. I am pansexual, because I don’t fall for a gender but for a person—their energy, their way of seeing the world. I am asexual, because desire is not the center of my affections or my bonds. And I am genderfluid, because my identity is not a straight line but a river that changes shape with the current. Some days I feel closer to the masculine, others to the feminine, and other days simply to something that doesn’t need a name. It isn’t always easy to explain, but it’s the most honest truth I have. I am not only the countries I’ve lived in or the words I use to describe myself. I am the songs I play on repeat, the drawings I never show, the thoughts I keep at midnight. I am someone who is still being built—someone who doubts, who feels too much, who thinks more than they say.

Who I'd like to meet: