catrin

About me:

I'm not the girl that you think I am. I don't have a sense of self of my own. Even now may simply be just another act.

A long time ago, I was always quiet. I never understood why people smiled or frowned or could ever discover the meaning behind it. But I think that I did have a self. Until I was brought to this mansion, I really was alive.

After coming here, I was forced to know unbearable pain. I think that is what destroyed my true self. I just became this doll that was just there. It was more bearable, and it was the only way I could survive.

But, even though I did that, it didn't solve anything. So I searched for a purpose and started to act to fulfill my purpose. I was a doll without any identity, so if I wore the right clothes, I could become anyone. But, even if I became someone else, it was just an act. I could laugh or cry. But I could not understand if I was really happy or really sad.

Isn't it funny? In order to protect myself I cast away my identity and became just a doll. But the more of that I do, the more broken I become. I became good at acting, an expert at lying, and could deceive anyone with my smile. But as I try to fulfill my purpose like that, I keep losing my self that I wanted to protect.

Just what is happiness?
What is this thing called sadness?
I became unable to even remember the meaning of pain itself.

-Kohaku

Who I'd like to meet: