Enzo Star

"My other account is Enzo Star"

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https://spacehey.com/lipsticknazi

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General	To be dead inside means lacking feeling or sensitivity; numb or unresponsive. I could take the easy way out and give up but FUCK YOU because I’m not going to shut my mouth or turn away because this is my life and no one else is going to ruin it. The fast few weeks have been filled with 5 murderers. Those people have tried to murder me.. but it’s that easy..
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About me:

2 years ago I joined this site because a few close friends had a journal here and I had no idea what it was. The internet wasn’t new to me, I started my reign of the popularity contest on the website www.facethejury.com where I dominated everyone and manipulated the whole website, it was fun but I slowly got burnt out on everyone giving me the same messages and kissing my ass just for the sake of doing it. I never understood what was the point in trying to prove yourself to someone over a machine? Maybe it’s an insecurity, maybe all of you who spend your lives online really DON’T have an outside world so you make up your own. You see that one definitive person who isn’t here to put you down or be your best friend, you just see the shining dead star with real feelings and a bad mouth. Is that attractive? I guess so. I don’t think there was ever a goal here, but after leaving facethejury.com I came here, where I posted teenage poetry and bad quality web cam pictures.. I moved up with a new camera and a higher intelligence. I was just being me and it started to be a problem with everyone. Why did everyone start viewing my journal? Word spreads fast online and I was the target of online abuse. It was great. I had a best friend once, her name was Lee Lee and we were twins, best friends forever.. we slowly became obsessed with each other and that was perfection. No one could fucking touch us, we were our own God. Love killed the demon through a million words and razor blades. I had a best friend once, her name was Lee Lee and we were twins, best friends forever.. we slowly became obsessed with each other and that was perfection. No one could fucking touch us, we were our own God. Love killed the demon through a million words and razor blades. She started cutting my name in her body, she made art out of my life, and it was so fucking special, no one had ever done anything like that for me before. It wasn’t just some stupid attempt at trying to impress me, it was REALITY. It was love, hurt, honesty. So I started to post those pictures, of her wrists gaping open and the word “Jeffree” carved 40 times all over her arms. Blood on the bathroom sinks and walls, scars so deep I would fall asleep thinking of them.. I posted our special secrets on melo, for the world to see. Maybe not EVERYONE but melo used to be HUGE until Sara just gave up and only pretended to care. So all these online junkies started coming to my journal every day, seeing what I’d do next. It was never for attention and no matter what you have to say, you won’t get it because you never did. I never knew how many people read my words or saw my photography, I had no clue until the messages started pouring in. I got everything from “YOU FUCKING SICK PIECE OF SHIT I HOPE YOU DIE” to the heart sick words of “I’ve always felt like dying and you helped me through really bad times..” There’s always black and white and I saw the truth, I saw how deep and digusting you people were. If you didn’t understand (which I NEVER meant for you to anyway) you’d crucify me, put me down and try and say I was just trying to get attention because my mom never loved me. Umm ok, I didn’t know you knew anything about my life but assuming things for the sake of insult is so cliché it hurts. WHATEVER, But there were the few people who actually understood or didn’t care, (like Lee Lee, Candy, Michelle and Chris) they just felt the words and didn’t get shocked by what was on there. They just read. Those friends kept me on here, because I could have easily just stopped but I never knew anything about websites back then. I wasn’t HTML smart or knew how to create my own site. So I stayed on here and EVERY DAY I’d reply to EVERY single person. Whether it was the pathetic “you’re so pretty” or the “faggot, burn in hell” comments.. I said something back and it may have been dead sarcasm or 100 words of how I felt, my name was marked. So maybe that’s how it all started, into this huge shit talking television show where I’m really the anti-actress on all of your blacklists .. so the chain reaction begin. Lee Lee and my own self-injury were everywhere. Our love was everywhere. And people didn’t like it.. why? Because everyone’s a piece of shit, most of them were SCARED because they couldn’t comprehend what I was saying and some still don’t. It’s not like its SO deep, its just human social reality, its my own opinion on the dire situation which is murdering everyone’s self-esteem.