karnival

General

taste is unexplainable, brace urself <:D give me weird, bold, unusual settings — anything that isn't romance, or if it IS romance make it gothic about it at minimum. love when a world's built strange and specific enough that everyday comedy just slides right through it like gum, doesn't stick, doesn't matter, gone in a second — though ironic given my own forecast lolol. and speaking of comedy: give me the kind that's actually dead serious underneath, irony as the sharpest tool in the box not comic relief, funny bc it's true not bc it's silly heavy/uncomfortable themes mandatory, the ugly ignored side of life pls. brain runs natively on horror — all subtypes, no favorites, psych-horror especially, gothic rot, that specific "everything's slightly off-center" dread, folk horror too if it's doing its research. thrillers, obviously. genre honestly doesn't matter as long as it's steeped in rot/decay as actual texture, not just a theme slapped on top. basically anything willing to sit in the discomfort instead of flinching away from it — and specifically the discomfort that comes AFTER, give me the aftermath not the disaster itself, what's left standing once everything's already fallen apart, that's always more interesting to me than the moment of impact historical accuracy is a whole separate obsession — love big historical settings + raw political conflict, but love small ugly local human drama even more, messy people being painfully genuine in their flaws. class rot specifically — proletariat vs bourgeoisie, tragic soldier stuff, taboo wartime stuff, and i actually care if it's accurate, not just vibes-accurate, real-accurate. bureaucracy as ambient horror is severely underrated too — waiting rooms, queues, forms nobody understands, that specific dread of a system that doesn't hate you, it just doesn't care, deserves to be its own genre honestly documentaries, obviously — archival/found-footage stuff especially, process docs on how things actually get built (architecture, craft, industry, all of it), and anything observational that just watches a system run without forcing a plot onto it. true crime too, though i want the kind that's actually about the class/era/system that let it happen, not just "who did it" mythology in general, unwell amounts, all cultures all pantheons — but currently feral specifically about transylvanian folk religion, real romanian strigoi/moroi lore not the hollywood version, someone please come talk to me about this deep love for anything hyper-local too — local forums, local browser-era internet, small scrappy scenes nobody outside of them knows about, doesn't matter what field, if it's niche and specific to one weird corner of the world i want in tl;dr brain wants either psychological wreckage, folk horror, raw historical friction, documentary precision, dead-serious comedy wearing a funny mask, or the dumbest possible chaos passing through like static — no in-between, duality is real, life's too short to gatekeep ur interests

Music

ok WHERE do i even begin — brain physically cannot pick a music lane, never has, never will. gothic/deathrock/horrorpunk is a whole home base though — visual-kei gothic drama (moi dix mois, versailles, dir en grey), graveyard-stomp psychobilly (nekromantix, the creepshow, tiger army), that spooky-cabaret-meets-cemetery sound in general (zombina and the skeletons, malice mizer), plus witch house and darkwave/ethereal wave living right next door — same rot, different tempo folk horror extends into the actual sound too — dark folk / neofolk with an occult lean, dark ambient and horror score type stuff when i want the dread without any words attached, balkan brass and eastern european folk-punk chaos for when i need it loud and messy and hyper-local instead electronic is the actual playground tho — cheesy italo-disco, fast eurobeat, blown-out happy hardcore, glitchcore when i want my brain physically scrambled, that unhinged "cute mascot rave" corner of the internet (s3rl, disko warp, renard and his whole furries in a blender alias, that entire furry-breakcore internet underground honestly), plus faster more-anime-about-it chaos (camellia, t+pazolite) when i need the bpm higher. deep in the rhythm-game music scene too (bms/iidx/ddr adjacent stuff), feels like the natural soundtrack to my whole arcade obsession also — raw post-soviet tape-hiss nostalgia scratches the same decay itch my whole aesthetic runs on, crunch and no polish on purpose, grime as texture not accident. and yes, dumb little dvorovye pesni too, courtyard songs, three chords and questionable life choices, zero shame about it also just. classical, all sorts, all eras — tchaikovsky and shostakovich hit different at 2am specifically, orchestral sweep scratches the same itch as screaming punk somehow, refuse to explain the wiring. and theatrical bard/cabaret stuff on the side too (kabaret sybarit, vertinsky-adjacent decadent cabaret, that whole avtorskaya pesnya "one guy one guitar, devastating amount to say" tradition) basically a rock/punk head at core but that's just the center of gravity, not the border — i listen to genuinely everything, this is just a sample of what's currently loud in rotation, my actual library is a bottomless feral abyss i can't even fully remember

Movies

movies... ok let's just get the complaint out of the way first bc it's not even about "new bad old good," it's specific — mainstream's blurring into the SAME formula recycled for safety over n over, plus this weird obligatory horniness w zero purpose behind it, sex scenes just bolted on bc "that's what sells" apparently. cool if it's someone's thing, genuinely just isn't mine, moving on musicals get a permanent shelf here too btw, no explanation needed, just facts french cinema owns a whole wing of my brain fr — whimsical-but-devastating as a genre nobody else quite pulls off (amelie, 8 femmes specifically, but also the whole french absurdist-comedy-w-teeth tradition in general) czech cinema hits completely different territory tho — jan švankmajer's stop-motion puppet nightmares (alice especially), that raw surreal-absurd energy running on rules nothing western follows. same wavelength runs through the brothers quay and old soviet-era animation studios like soyuzmultfilm — different countries, same hand-crafted uncanny puppet-logic, cgi could never fake it even trying. and honestly the whole uncanny-puppet lineage traces back to german expressionism too (caligari-era stuff), same nightmare logic just born decades earlier arthouse in general is a genuine love not a phase — death in venice (visconti) top of my watchlist rn, italian arthouse broadly feels like my exact frequency (fellini included, absurdist n gorgeous at once), and giallo specifically scratches an itch nothing else does — italian horror-thriller w the visuals cranked to unreasonable levels, style AS substance. polish cinema too — wojciech has (the saragossa manuscript, labyrinth-structured n unhinged) and żuławski (possession, deformed n psychologically shredded, basically messy interpersonal disaster as an artform). hungarian slow cinema (béla tarr-adjacent) sounds like exactly my speed — long, patient, aftermath-focused instead of plot-focused, same instinct tarkovsky runs on if i'm ready for the pace. romanian new wave feels almost mandatory given how deep i already am in transylvanian folklore — small ugly local human drama, class rot, historical precision, all on my own actual obsession's home turf. yugoslav black wave too, same class-rot instinct but balkan n even angrier about it. and finnish cinema — kaurismäki specifically, deadpan tragicomedy, that exact "funny n sad simultaneously" register i already run my own writing on "so bad it's genius" trash cinema lives right next to all that arthouse w zero contradiction — birdemic, the room, troll 2, plus fully unhinged soviet absurdist sci-fi like kin-dza-dza scratching an itch nothing prestige-adjacent touches, and klimov's come and see if i want raw wartime w absolutely no varnish on it also: bong joon-ho and park chan-wook, class rot + genre twist exactly where my brain already lives tl;dr: high-concept arthouse, puppet nightmares, trash masterpieces, whatever's actually taking a swing instead of playing it safe — that's the whole diet

Television

tv // series... ok attention span vs long-form content is basically a lifelong feud, but when a concept actually clicks it rewires my whole brain completely. utena is THE blueprint, pure unfiltered perfection i orbit back to constantly — nothing else hits that "symbolic girls fighting their own fate in a rose-drenched fever dream" spot quite like it heavy/weird-visual side: dorohedoro (grimy little world, q hayashida's whole vibe), steins;gate (exact kind of psychological unraveling i live for), code geass (chaos + tragedy + genuinely unhinged plotting, all correct), madoka magica, flcl, hellsing — that whole register of gorgeous n completely deranged simultaneously. dungeon meshi too, world-building this specific n obsessive is basically catnip for my brain. kaiba (yuasa) belongs here too, identity/memory dissolving in the weirdest possible visual language serial experiments lain lives in its own permanent camp — identity dissolving into signal, reality glitching at the edges, that exact uncanny dread nothing else quite replicates. same wavelength: paranoia agent (satoshi kon lives rent-free), boogiepop phantom, texhnolyze if i'm ready to be genuinely disturbed for several hours straight. baccano! and the great pretender too — tricksters, black comedy, non-linear structure, irony as the actual load-bearing wall of the story golden kamuy sits in its own lane — historical precision + brutal survival + genuinely funny at the same time, basically the "smeshno i grustno" formula i already run my own writing on, someone else just executed it first. bojack horseman and the sopranos live in this exact same lane too, just western — messy ruined ppl being painfully genuine about their own wreckage, need to actually sit down n finish both someday instead of just knowing i'd love them western animation gets its own soft spot too — that specific "cute on the surface, something's deeply wrong underneath" pipeline (courage the cowardly dog, invader zim, gravity falls). krtek was my entire childhood, unrelated but sacred gothic stuff extends into tv too obviously — victorian england settings, transylvania-adjacent everything, and westerns weirdly scratch a similar itch, same isolation n moral starkness just under a different sky. also watched some gay cowboy western at some point, forgot the title, it's in there somewhere then brain completely short-circuits n demands zero-effort comfort content — azumanga daioh, chiikawa, hetalia, whatever cozy low-stakes nonsense turns my thoughts off for an hour, no plot required, no stakes required, just vibes. same energy pulls me into kdramas/doramas purely out of boredom, genuinely all over the place with those, zero pattern, i'll watch whatever korea/asia puts out that week — fair warning tho, this specific corner of the internet has served me some genuinely unhinged sexual content i was NOT looking for more than once, it just happens in that particular rabbit hole apparently, cursed genre honestly, no further comment needed and nothing beats trash tv specifically — that one dead reality show where gay guys had to fake being straight for cash, absolute spectacular nonsense, same tier as toddlers & tiaras or any unhinged competition show nobody asked for but everyone secretly watched anyway

Books

books... ok real talk, my shelf makes zero sense to an outside observer and i've made peace with that. total chaos read whatever catches my eye or feels weirdly hyper-specific kind of situation. also currently deep in typology books (socionics, enneagram, archetype-mapping), plus astronomy and mythology on the side for the exact same reason — building my own system of archetypes from raw material, sagan's cosmos and gaiman's norse mythology both currently in the pile, edith hamilton's mythology too if i want the classical stuff laid out properly gothic-tragic is the main mood i chase — poe's the blueprint, lovecraft right next to him, wuthering heights as apparently the og source code for the whole genre. shirley jackson too, quiet domestic horror, dread hiding in the everyday instead of announcing itself. angela carter for gothic fairy-tale retellings with actual teeth, women written with real weight behind them. mervyn peake's gormenghast if i want a world so architecturally specific it basically becomes its own character existentialist absurdism is the other main pillar — kafka and kundera (the unbearable lightness of being especially) non-negotiable, still owe myself an actual finish of the good soldier švejk. bulgakov's master and margarita belongs right here too, gothic + absurdist + soviet-specific all at once, exactly my frequency. kharms for absurdism in its purest, shortest form — irony doing all the actual work. gogol as the ancestor of basically everyone else on this list, grotesque before grotesque was cool. borges too, labyrinths and infinite libraries and reality folding in on itself, and eco's name of the rose for the same instinct dressed as a medieval mystery surreal dream-logic sticks in my brain like a splinter forever — the manuscript found in saragossa, death in venice, alice (structurally unbeatable, still can't fully explain why), the wizard of oz, the door into summer as a childhood staple light witty essay collections for comfort (i feel bad about my neck-type stuff, low stakes high wit). poetry counts too — tragic intensity specifically, matveeva resonating cellularly, cvetaeva/vertinsky-adjacent territory generally plot-mechanics comfort reading: agatha christie, specifically the vintage stuff, and two captains when i want something more sincere but still propulsive. don quixote is a non-negotiable classic, dumas beyond just the obvious famous stuff — czech + french energy basically runs my whole taste, gimme more of exactly that romance/classic drama isn't a language my brain speaks, fully fine, not my frequency — adjacent-but-not-romance recs: maupassant's short stories, bradbury's something wicked this way comes, calvino's cosmicomics

Heroes

heroes // kins // literally me department fr, no sentimental speech just facts utena remains the permanent soul-anchor ngl, been seeing myself in her for YEARS, case closed, always will be. marina n asya from z.a.t.o. too — that exact conversational friction n internal spiral, relate top to bottom no cap, genuinely uncomfortable how accurate it is istg visual novel resonance: kurisu AND suzuha from steins;gate (prickly-genius-hiding-something-soft side, AND the action-first soldier-out-of-time side, both equally me fr). c.c. from code geass — immortal exhaustion, irony as the only reasonable response to an unbearable situation, holds enormous weight w a completely flat face, zero performance about it. franziska von karma from ace attorney — dramatic to the bone, perfectionist, argues w full conviction even when she doesn't need to, that exact restless-idea-machine energy running hot 24/7 from project moon specifically: ryōshu — loud, physical, fights before she talks, loyalty proven through action not words, five seconds from violence or affection w zero in-between. nikaido from dorohedoro runs on that EXACT same wiring — loud, blunt, chaotic but fiercely loyal, no hidden layer underneath, what u see is what u get, period from fear & hunger: karin, bounty hunter, physically hardened, survives through skill n stubbornness in a world actively trying to kill her, no magic bailout, just grit. vash the stampede too — goofy idealist mask over real pain, refuses to stop believing in ppl no matter how many times the world gives him reasons to maka albarn — principled to a fault, idealist who treats "doing right" almost like a moral code, bookish but fully ready to fight for it anyway, same don-quixote-shaped stubbornness just more disciplined about it. patty thompson too, same show — simple joy, chaotic, doesn't overcomplicate ANYTHING, laughs at everything, lives fully in the moment w zero second-guessing land of the lustrous gives me two, not one — diamond's loud confident zero-second-layer energy, AND padparadscha's half-asleep-but-sees-everything-with-total-clarity optimism, somehow both fully me at different hours of the day fujino from look back — creatively obsessed since childhood, competitive, restless, chases the process itself w zero dark undertone, just pure drive tomo AND osaka from azumanga daioh, both equally valid, i contain multitudes — tomo's the loud chaos engine, osaka's the tangential off-brand genius nobody else quite follows usagi from chiikawa, NOT hachiware, whatever everyone else insists — loud, competitive, says exactly what she thinks, chaotic lil engine in a tiny body don quixote, both the novel legend AND the limbus company version — glorious delusional idealism against a crushing world, spectacular, non-negotiable. makes total sense in hindsight too — ILE (aka "don quixote" in socionics) is my actual type, so. tracks separate worship-tier, not resonance, just reverence: anthy himemiya, phos (land of the lustrous), angela (project moon) — women written w real weight n history behind them, that's the entire criteria visual novel rabbit hole rn: saya no uta n steins;gate as the anchor points, branching into chaos;head/robotics;notes/chaos;child (same science adventure universe), the house in fata morgana, umineko no naku koro ni, cartagra/sweet pool, plus low-budget rpg-maker horror like yume nikki n mad father for that same raw indie-jank energy list stays open forever, brain's just lagging rn

Website

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